So you start dating someone new….things are great in the beginning. You two seem to have a lot in common and then 2 months down the road…for some may be a little sooner or later…but for the never been married or been single pretty much 5 yrs or more…you develop a routine. Average relationships lasting less than 6 months. In my case and most mens case less than 3 months. So why even try? A male friend of mine recently asked me, what is it that you think makes me not able to commit? Well its funny a few days later another male friend of mine asked me the same question. And they are similar in their personality. Both are very handsome men…well built, sexy strong tall dark and handsome, every womans dream….smiles that knock you off your feet. Too perfect I guess in their looks…one has it more together than the other….he is in his early 30’s no kids (rare ladies I know this day and age) very career driven….and very intense on all that he does. But he is also a perfectionist, which in turn I think is his problem with women….he of course attracts the most beautiful women…but something is never 100 % …now I don’t know him as well now but from what I remember and know of him. But I think he is unattainable, now should he compromise his standards? No I am not saying that but may be he wants the perfect for the outside world and attracts the woman who ends up being more high maintenance and wants to be center of attention more than he does…..he is a fun person and has a great personality..but is competitive, so if he tries to find someone with the same qualities as he has…it may turn competitive and they just ware each other out. Then the fire is gone..what attracted him to her was the fact she was a lot like him. Then the competitive side just got to be too much. So do we want someone who is like us or opposite attracts? I think we set ourselves up and sabotage our relationships a lot of the times…he wants the perfect woman who he thinks is what is the right one but is it what everyone thinks he should be with the perfect woman, does she exist? My other friend is dating this girl that he said was at last the perfect one, but 2 months down the road he doesn’t know. She is smothering him now and he is like she is always blowing up his phone..all worried about what he is doing who he is with etc…well he has a very friendly personality and a lot of female friends…so any woman who is with him has to know this about him and undestand this and have be secure, but at the same time knowning this about himself he needs to be able to make her not have any doubts of who he loves and wants to be with…so where’s the compromise here? He says I always do this..here it is so perfect and now I see this jealous side or am I making it all up in my head? Now he is not one to date someone for too long nor usually just date one person…so did he really love her or is he trying to convince himself he does and now he is looking for his out? Did he give her a fair shot or was she never the one? I think we should just find someone we can accept their differences and their faults “the compromise”…I think if you really love someone their faults and bad habits you will love and not even know why….the things that normally drive you crazy with someone that you would never accept, then all of sudden they don’t matter. If you are a perfectionist and they fly by the seat of their pants, and you never would ever go out with someone like that…you may be surprised and see they are perfect for you..they make you not be so serious all the time. Find someone who can laugh at your ways and you can laugh at theirs. Balance each other out…don’t go in looking for the faults to get out…I think men start that early on in relationships. Looking for their way out pretty much from day one…fear of commitment I suspect….why are we so afraid of love? Why are we so guarded and afraid to look for someone who we can just love…if you have to have everything so perfect like your house or whatever and the person you are with doesn’t really care if the house is not perfect or can walk by the sink and leave a glass in the sink….and this drives you crazy but you love them..then compromise and hire a maid if need be..find that middle ground…..what makes you both happy…..be a team..what he lacks I have…and vice versa….pick me up when I am down and I will do the same for you. How do we get past ourselves and stop standing in our own way to love??? Open your minds up and may be look at someone who you may have never consider to date and take a chance..you may be surprised..everything you thought you wanted in someone may be your total opposite…let your guard down and just love….
{April 7, 2009} Why do we set ourselves up?
I can tell you I suffer from the delusions of perfection. I also suffer from having alot of female friends..all across the country. And thirdly – my problem is that I expect a woman to be “with it” enuff emotionally that I don’t have to addressher emotional shortcomings. I’m certainly not asking her to address mine. The problem, as I see it, is that some of us are afraid to try. Be it committment to love, or to career, or health and fitness..or what-have-you. And we tend to reflect that outward towards those closest to us by challenging the sanity behind their drive towards their goals. I also feel like alot fo us, men and women, want things without giving much thought to the consequence of that “want”. EX: U want a man witha great body or fantabulous skills in the bedroom – he si gonna be someone who works out alot and has plenty of “past” experience. Live with it..cuz those are the means to the perverbial end.
Alignment…is what I call that….proper bloody alignment. It calls for realistic perspectives on expectational standpoints. It calls for balance…and sanity.
I’m off my soapbox now.
Jon
Somethine else – I lied…hahaha….
I also feel like us men who are “rarities” and “freaks in the bedroom” and “have killer abs and smiles” who are also perfectionist can’t hold those around us to those same expectations. Now, does that mean U, as a woman in my life, can jsut get lazy and out of shape and not push towards your respective goals? Well..let’s see…do you really think that if U do those things that I’ll stay? OK then, there’s your answer.
But back to the fellas…
Those of su that fit into this category need not to look for the exit route as soon as we walk in the doors of the love shack – we jsut need to be aware of whether or not we like the potential of the thing. No one SAYS U HAVE to be in committed relationships all the time in order to be a person of social worth. Just understand that you ahve to be willing to do the whole “meet half way” thing..in order TO BE in a relationship. Your perspective on things is jsut that…a perspective. And while it is a beautiful thing to share it with a sig. other – it’s even more beautiful to find that alignment between you and your sig. other that allows you to expand your perspective to a point that is mutually beneficial…
ok, NOW I’m done…
Good day
Ciao
Jon
Ok well if you’re the health nut and I am the uhhh I will get to it…but still look good may be not perfect but hey damn good for awwww well we will leave that alone for my age. But I make sure I look good when we go out and put something sexy on to keep things exciting at home…but may be not every night of the week. But I am there at every race and every challenge you take…but I may not be in the gym with you every day more than likely not at all unless I am swimming, may be yoga, may be kick boxing but die hard 6 am kind of thing wont Ever happen…but an effort would be made….will eat better but I left my shoes down stairs are you gonna give up?? LOL…
I think when two people are together in a relationship…friendship, BF-GF..anything of significance…you learn to live for each other’s dreams. You are supportive to teh point that hallmark cards should flutter out of your ass. And U are there to celebrate teh successes and support during times of need. We build of edifice of love together….hand in hand.
That sort of togetherness requires a sacrifice that is uncomfortable for us all on some level..because it requires a level of selflessness on some level for all of us. You have to allow yourself to die in hopes that you will live on in the heart and mind and deeds of your sig. other.
And that requires trust.
And sometimes…we need signs of responsibility and accountability before we allow ourselves to die for the sake of the relationship.
And while we offer ourself up to our sig. other…we have to trust that they will do the same. So now we are doubley bound.