So all my recent blogs about the click and the thing and letting go- I am a liar.  A total liar- sorry guys.  Because I did exactly what I tell all my friends NOT to do.  Igot sucked back in by the ex- the one- the ass- ha!  I let him talk to me and I believed him and all the crap that happened why we broke up (essentially his words never matched his actions- well the issue was actually that he never took ANY action) went away and I truly believed for a moment that things had changed.  And then WHAM!  Punch in the gut.  Which I probably karmic-ally deserved for all the punching in the face I did over The Bachelor (if you haven’t read that blog- read down!).

I cannot believe I cried.  In front of people.  In a bar.  And my bartender, my sweet, sweet bartender, said, “At least now I know your human.”  Which in a weird way made me feel a little bit better. 

It’s time to face facts.  He likes what he gets from me and I give it freely (he lives in another country, so don’t go there people).  He will never give back to me.  The thing is I don’t fall in love easily or often, so maybe its more heartwrenching to me when someone throws it away.  Throws me away.  And even today he is so passive aggressive.  Well, if that’s what you want- I’ll back off.  No, of course that’s not what I want.  I want you to stop being a complete and total selfish asshole.  I want you to give back, just a little bit.  I want you to get your stupid ass on a plane and see me and hold me and see where this is going and why we are so stuck on each other after 2 years.  I want to be one of your priorities.  I want you to care about my day, my life.  But he, he just wants me here, always there for him, knowing someone out there loves him I guess is enough.  To me love is a verb, to him, apparently it’s an adjective.

So that’s it folks.  I’ll get over it.  I always do.  You have to, right?  At least I know I have the capacity to love.   And I have great friends, and a great bartender.  That’s something!

Found my heart and it SUCKS in sin city.